Transparency… or Lack Thereof

As you get older and experience life, you learn a lot about yourself. What you like annnnd… what you don’t like.

*Cue Chief Keef That’s that ish I don’t like*

In relationships:

A lying nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like./ A cheating nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like./ A lazy nigga, that’s that shit I don’t like./ <insert other shot firing lyric here.>

Ok, so today’s rant is about transparency in relationships. I need that. We all lie. I know that. I get that. However, if your lie may affect the very existence of our relationship and you keep it from me, please go shoot yourself.

Because what you’ve done is taken away my right to choose. My right to choose whether I want to deal with the bullshit and baggage that you come with all because you’re hiding it. Now sir, I fuck mess around and fall in love, only to find out you got two baby mamas, a drug addiction and anger management issues. Now what?

Now you folk not in love would say, leave! Well, in case you’ve never been in love or never had a woman really be in love with you, I’ll go ahead and tell ya that it damn near takes the jaws of life for her to leave you. When a woman loves, she loves for real *R. Kelly voice*. Once you’ve fallen in love, you’re not rational, you’re not logical and you’ll do the inexplicable –stay.

Transparency is important to me because I’m pretty much an open book. I give it, so I expect it back. When I meet a guy I’m honest and very upfront about my intentions, wants, needs, desires and everything else. Of course you have to have some discretion with certain things, but my deal breakers get laid out on the table buddy. So if you wanna run, you better do so now, cuz once we in this, we in this.

If y’all think I’m kidding about being transparent, I’ll go ahead and let you know what a man knows about me within the first month of us talking that could potentially be a deal breaker:

  • I believe in God.
  • I’m not cut out for short term dating, serious long term inquiries only.
  • I want a big family (3+ kids). –Currently no children
  • I will not be a statistic –I’m wifey material, not super long-term girlfriend.
  • I’m old fashioned –You bring bacon, I’ll fry it.
  • I don’t smoke or like smokers –I do, however, drink. And I’d like to keep it that way.
  • I don’t buy “She’s like my sister.” and/or “We just tight friends” when it comes to opposite sex relationships. If that heaux ain’t blood, you better set some boundaries.

If a man can’t get down with my position on these things, then chances are, we aren’t compatible. In which case you can keep it moving or get put in the “just friends” category. Of course we talk about more than the above points, but I make sure to mention them all in case a guy is not feeling it. That way he can CHOOSE if he wants to stick around cuz I don’t want to hear that I’m tripping every time I bring up one of these things.

Why can’t men be the same way?! Like, when we first start dating don’t tell me that you eventually want to get married, then 9 months to a year later into our relationship you talmbout, “I don’t believe in marriage.” or “Marriage ain’t for me.” or “I have commitment issues.” Because at that given moment, I may open up a can of whoop ass for you. I know by then that all my emotions will be invested in you, so walking away wouldn’t be an easy thing to do. So either I gotta nag you until your mind changes, deal with being a baby mama some day, or walk away from the love of my life.

All I’m asking is for you to not put me in that position. Give me a choice. If your life goals don’t align with mine, tell me from the jump. Because either I’ll get hurt from having to walk away or stay and resent you for putting me in that position.

Falling in love may not be a choice, but I be damned if I watch another train wreck happen. Transparency is a requirement b.



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