“We don’t wanna neva end…you walking out you walking back again… I don’t done took your heart boy, held it up for ransom…Ain’t tryna be cocky, I got yo heart in my pocket.” -Future, feat. Kelly Rowland
My rant for today is on “off again/on again relationships”. If you’ve never been in one yourself, I’m sure you’ve known some poor unlucky soul who’s done it before. And in the event you haven’t experienced it, I’ll go ahead and save you the trouble by telling you: the sh!t sucks.
I mean who in their right mind would like it? You’re all happy –kissy kissy today. And then tomorrow –f*ck you stupid a**, I didn’t wanna be wit you no way! How bipolar is this.
So I know a lot of people question, why go back? If it’s over, leave it alone. As a woman who has been in this predicament (and I’m speaking solely from me and my experience) there are a few reasons why you go back.
- You hope it will get better. –The mind is a beautiful thing. It has the capability to trick you into thinking this person is really gonna be different this time around. Insanity –doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
- You’ve gotten comfortable with that person. –Fear can control you if you let it. And starting over, is a scarrrrrryyyy thing. Especially if you’ve been with that person for an extended amount of time. Sometimes that familiar thing becomes more comforting, than the possibility of finding something better.
- What if? –The “what if” monster injects your brain with a lot of doubt (“what if I don’t find anyone better”–“what if this is the wrong choice”) and clouds your judgement.
- Memories. –You start thinking about all the good times you’ve had with that person or even that bad ones that y’all made it through. You feel like you’ve done too much to let go of it all. But the reality is that you’re living in the past and not looking at it for what it is. He might’ve been a sweet caring guy when y’all met, but now he’s distant and cold sometimes–people change. Make sure you see the difference.
- You feel like he owes you something. -Maybe you gave him a lot of time, maybe money, maybe a child, who knows; but either way you feel like he owes you for it. I felt that way for a lonnnnnngggg time. And let me tell you, as long as you feel like he does and you’re out to get what he owes you, you’re investing more of yourself and still losing. Cut your losses and move on. Sometimes you gotta lose, to win again.
Now don’t get me wrong, every off again/on again relationship isn’t this deep. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism for the person doing the breaking up/getting back together. Sometimes it’s wayyy superficial and happens as the result of a heated argument, that moment where you say some things you didn’t mean <<< [stay tuned for a post about these folk]
But either way, this type of relationship sucks, primarily for the girl. You see, genetics will tell you that men were born with a switch that flips emotions off and on. Yea, women don’t have it because it’s on the Y chromosome. So we’re just S.O.L.
–Okay, I just made that up, but it feels like it’s true!
Men do have emotions, they just have more control over showing that emotion. A poker face of emotions if you will. You see that’s also located on the Y chromosome. Ok, I kid I kid. Lol.
As far as off again/on again relationships go, it really depends on why y’all break up more than why y’all get back together. Examine that. Of course, no one is gonna know why but y’all [at least that’s how it should be] but if it’s a break up over transgressions and y’all still get back together –I’m SMH. If it’s a break up over petty ish and y’all get back together– I’m still SMH; work that ish out and stop breaking up!
I don’t about y’all, but I’m a HUGE fan of consistency, stability and security. I’m not good in relationships where those things don’t exist. tipsfordatingashley.com *In my Tamar voice*
All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be like “sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t” or if you don’t remember that commercial, how about “gimmmeee a break, giiiiimmmee a break, break me off a piece of that…” Iffy-wishy-washy relationships make me sick [throw up], and I’m not about that life.
One more song lyric before I leave, sang by Brownstone– “If you love me, say it/ If you trust me, do it/ If you want me, show it/ If you need me, prove it.”
*Diddy bops off keyboard*