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Ashley enjoys writing, running, DIY projects and occasionally ratchet TV. She currently works in the mortgage industry by day and working on her business, CockTale Hour, by night, a creative hub of entertainment regarding life, love, and laughs.
Read below to hear about the relationship that changed Ashley’s life the most. She broke up with a young lad and shares that it was no where near mutual!
Provide us with three lessons this relationship taught you:
This relationship is where I first learned that you could lose yourself in search of another person. I became the relationship and lost me. I was distanced from my friends and only cared about what he and I had going on. I was totally unfocused on who I was and wanted to become.
Biggest lesson I learned hands down is that life goes on. After our break up I felt like I was dying. I wouldn’t eat and all I could do was sleep and cry. I later realized that a part of me did die, the part that thought I needed that attachment to be whole. And it’s good that it did. I learned to be resilient and persevere through the adversity I was facing; a transferable skill for most things in life. That break up woke me up to myself and what I was capable of.
He was the first guy I ever really loved. I had an absent father so the relationship between he and I meant more to me than I even really knew at the time. I would have died for him and in retrospect, I know to be a lot more selective with who I give that much power to. When that power is in the wrong hands, it can certainly be abused. I also grew a lot in the relationship. I learned to be aware of my flaws in relationships and learned about baggage –how to carry it and how to unpack it.
What/who was most influential in your healing? How? Why?
How long did it take you to heal? When did you forgive?
I’m pretty sure I suppressed a lot of my feelings for a few months after I THOUGHT I’d healed. Honestly, I ended up getting in another relationship prematurely (like 8 months later) and it became easier to feel like I’d forgotten my ex. But really all I did was add hurt on top of hurt. That second relationship ended up in flames too. I’d say that I really forgave them both and healed after a year later that I’d split with my second mistake. So altogether healing from 2011-2014 (from both disasters). I feel like I didn’t really forgive my first love until I was no longer distracted by the next love. I can’t stress how important it is to allow yourself the time and space to bounce back before you hop into something else.
WHAT WAS THE MOST CHALLENGING PART?
“…Accepting that it was really over and not trying everything in my power to try to get it back or restore something irreparable. I caused myself more hell trying to fix a broken mirror, constantly cutting myself on the pieces and getting frustrated that I couldn’t figure out what went where; I did that for years really. Instead of just throwing it away, getting some Neosporin and walking through the ugly alone. I’d been alone through the first part of my life and never really cared because I didn’t know what I was missing. Once I felt what it was like to be “loved”, have affection and companionship, it became something I got hungry for. I had to re-learn how to enjoy my solitude and not sacrifice my peace just to have someone who “cared” but just didn’t care enough. An extremely tough lesson, but valuable nonetheless.”
ASHLEY’S NUGGET OF FREEDOM
Honey-sistuh-girlfriend- child, loss is an inevitable side effect of living long enough. If you live long enough you will get hurt, go through tests and trials, but the point of it all is not the suffrage you feel when going through it, it’s the liberation you experience once it’s over. It’s okay to cry, feel anger, feel betrayal or what have you because you are human… but don’t stay in that place for too long. There is someone out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and it costs you nothing but the price of being yourself. You are enough. You are a queen and whoever broke your heart is nothing more than a fool. You owe nothing to anyone. So say what you want, feel how you feel and do what you want unapologetically. Disconnect for however long it takes you, and then link up with some boss babes who will support you and your endeavors. The right one will come along when you are ready –the thing is you’ll be so happy enjoying the life you’re leading that you won’t even know it’s coming. And that, my dear, is one of the best surprises ever. You will amaze yourself love, cheers to that. –A.