Woman to Woman: That’s (y)OUR Man? Pt. 2

So I left off letting y’all know that me and bird #167 had a conversation by phone where she was acting like what I had to say really didn’t matter. (Catch up on that story here.)

Not gonna lie, at first I was a little perturbed because I felt like I was trying to really air things out and get to the bottom of what the hell just happened; after all me and the chick used to be friends… or so I thought.

But the fact of the matter is, that when a woman really cares, even if logic tells her he ain’t shit or won’t do right by her; she will still hold on to what he actually says. The defense mechanism sometimes won’t let her believe the truth.

That’s how defense mechanisms work. They’re installed to protect you from anything that may be damaging or traumatic to you.

It don’t matter if all the signs are hitting you dead upside the forehead; all you want to believe is what he says. And as long as he says is that it’s over with the other chick or she didn’t matter — a chick will usually cling to that shit for dear life. I can say that, because I know that to be true.

It’s not healthy, it’s not accurate and it’s blatantly not a good fucking idea –but I also had to remember who I was dealing with.

A chick who couldn’t get over her last fatal attraction until her ex boo was in a full out relationship for a year before she finally accepted that it was over. You can’t make logic with someone who’s not logical. And I know this again, because I used to be as illogical as they come.

In that second conversation, she said to me, in so many words, “I know he’s a liar, but I’m still gone fuck with him and I think you shouldn’t”.

I ALMOST, almost, took offense to that. Until I realized, I might’ve been in this production for 5 months playing a supportive role to the lead character, but she’d been playing in this shit for 8+ years without so much as an honorable mention — you need this win more than I do hun. I made the credits by name and she appeared as “girl #2 with curly wig”.

After I realized that, I was truly unfazed. At any point in time, if I say, “put me in the game coach”, I’m starting and you back in the bleachers holding up ya “Number 1 fan” sign. I have never waited on anyone to get out of a whole live relationship, to then slide in and take my chance to shoot my shot.

Buckets. Buckets bitch. Shooting from half court.

One of my biggest mistakes in life is not learning how to walk the hell away when some shit wasn’t for me. And why as women, don’t we believe AND act like some better shit will come along?

Holding on to the the shoulda-coulda-woulda(s) when Mr. Right is out somewhere being a hoe cuz ya ass ain’t available. He gotta settle for all that meaningless ass cuz you out here playing games with Mr. Kinda-All-Right-For-Now.

Witcho’ ol shoot-for-the-moon land-in-the-stars ass self. Who the fuck said you couldn’t get the moon? Ol’ something-is-better-than-nothing ass trick. Have it all bitch, wit’ twins bitch.  Ol’ glass-half-empty ass bih. Git yo own full cup of juice and flourish.

I wish every woman would drink their own kool aid; sweeten and chill to taste. Because once your shit is the best, you ain’t worried bout the rest.

Black women, more than any other women have glass ceilings to cap success. I guess it’s not enough that society puts those boundaries on us, I guess you gotta give ya self limits and settle for the dude that lies to ya face, still gone try to deal with the other chick and spends holidays with his preference of the year?

Meanwhile every dude in black America is talking about how dumb women are for arguing over the same dude or dealing with a dude the woman knows is a liar. Men really rationalize that if the chick knows the deal, and still chooses to mess with the dude, it’s her own fault for any fuckery that follows.

So how long you gone wait before you decide you can do better? A decade? That’s cute, imma still fuck him when I want to cuz I’m petty but you’ll still deal with us anyways and he knows that.

That’s right bih, us. If you thought he was leaving me alone, that’s another lie he told you to bandaid ya wounded ego.

A dude fuck with me, he gone be stuck on me fo’eva…

…well at least till I come across the dude I actually want, then I’ll let you have him. Till then #teamUS #yOURman #sendmyValen-not-mine-DayVemno

XOXO

P.S. Did I forget to mention my pop up visit to the chick’s house? Tune in next week for the rest of the story!

-A.

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