Dating is a Gamble: All Bets are Off

I don’t know that there’s anything more frustrating than putting time and energy into something that does not yield results.

This could be related to just about anything: weight loss, career advancement, hair growth, relationships, whatever. I think that’s why I get so frustrated with the whole dating thing.

When I start dating someone exclusively I have certain expectations. To be honest, I think that’s why most guys prefer the whatevership instead of a relationship because in a whatevership you can have expectations but if they aren’t met –it’s no one’s “fault”.

In a relationship, your significant other is able to hold you accountable for certain things. Like sticking your penis in another vagina, or providing for another non-familial woman. I was in disbelief one day when I was talking to my home girl and her possibae and he revealed that while he was in a relationship with one girl, he was taking care of two kids (that weren’t his biologically) for another woman who was not blood related.

*Ahem* So which would you prefer, your head on a platter or your balls on a skewer?

Anyways, nobody likes to feel like they’ve been working hard towards or for something, to ultimately end up with nothing. And when you’re dating this is the constant risk you take and there’s only so many times that you can keep trying with no success before you start to feel jaded. Before you start to feel like no matter how hard I try, how many times I try, I still can’t be successful.

Any single woman who has been single and dating for awhile eventually gets to this point. I’ve been seemingly “single” for the last 3 years, this is the longest period of time I’ve ever been without a “boyfriend”. Now I have managed to have at least 2 relationshits. (Relationshit. (n.) phrase meaning something like a relationship, but filled with much gray area, lacking commitment, transparency and oftentimes monogamy. Love, sex and quality time may still be included.)

I’ll probably always air quote “single” because it really is hard for me to believe that any one person (unless they are a complete hermit) is 100% single. There is always someone in the picture, they might not be the Mona Lisa, but they’re somewhere painted amongst the shrubbery. The other day I was lost in thought and off the top of my head I could think of at least 3 people who are in love with me. Maybe not head over heels, but in deep enough that if I said that I wanted a relationship, they would be happy to be a couple.

Yes, as much as I talk about being single, if I really wanted to be in a relationship with someone I could. *PLOT TWIST* I know the next question is, well why don’t you? My answer, at this point, I don’t want to be in a relationship, just to say I’m in one. I’m looking at my next relationship potentially being the last one. So out of all the people I have considered, I don’t see the real long term potential there.

The root of my frustration is that with the ones I have seen long term potential — they’re the main ones that make me have to pull up on them.

I was dating a guy I saw real long term potential with. Like I was head over heels for him, then one day he just went ghost. Turns out he was dating another girl (that I knew) and I had no clue that he was dating other people. You know how I found out? Fellas, y’all need to learn that women have a network. It’s called the C.N.N; Catch a Nigga Network, and we all have a subscription. A network so tight that we’ll always find out what you’ve been doing… it only takes a matter of time.

One of my homegirls who’s a part of C.N.N saw my possibae out on a date with the other girl. The CNN is very thorough friends. I had a description of what both of them where wearing, how close they were standing, where they were at, what time, what they had for dinner, body temperatures, EVERYTHING. I later found out that they ended up in a relationship and I was devastated. She and I were both in the running for becoming PossiBae’s Next Top Bae and I ain’t eem know I was a competitor.

The most terrible part is that I took that baggage with me when I dealt with my next possibae. I treated him like he was probably out there dating other girls, so I entertained other guys. I went out on a date thinking he was going out on dates with other women then it all blew up in my face. I found out he wasn’t, he found out I was, and in one drunken argument it all went down in flames.

Baggage is a bitch.

Dating might be the highest risk gamble you can take. It’s all or nothing. And what you have to lose is far more valuable than money because you can earn a dollar back, but you can’t get back that time. The whole, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” thing is cute. But the bottom line is, no matter how many baskets you spread your eggs in, either way, you no longer have those eggs anymore.

All bets are off,

-A.

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