It never fails that any time the “when to have sex” question comes up, I end up wanting to throat chop a guy for being a guy. Like, the logic of men is truly baffling.
Let me preface this post by saying, this here, is my opinion… so if you don’t like it, you can suck it.
Steve Harvey caused a lot of women to change their outlook on when to have sex with a guy by giving a standard timeline of 90 days in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. The fellas hated him for telling women not to give up the buns so easily. I personally agree with some of his logic, however I don’t think that there is an arbitrary amount of time before you can determine if a man is worth sharing yourself with.
I absolutely believe that as women, we should take the time out to allow men the space to demonstrate what they have to offer and prove it. I DON’T necessarily think that it takes 90 days. I think it is a case by case basis and the duration of time can depend on the guy and how that time is spent.
If you and the person you’re dating only talk every few days and see each other on the weekends, that’s going to be an entirely different case from someone you talk to every day and see more frequently throughout the week. I don’t think there’s a specific amount of calendar days that magically pre-approves guys to get the buns. I think that the quality time spent is a more accurate measure (if you need one) to use.
This leads to the good ole rebuttal from fellas 1. If he’ll still respect you if he smashes on the first day or quickly and 2. The whole “try it before you buy it” debate.
My honest opinion, I think you can have sex with a guy on the first night and he could still respect you and want to work towards something more serious…. or he could not. That is the risk you run when you give up the buns prematurely. Possi-bae becomes a wild card. Now from the feedback I’ve heard from most guys, whether or not they take you seriously afterwards depends on a few things.
- If when he met you, his only intentions were to smash: If this is the case, his mission is accomplished and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
- If when he met you, he was open to whatever, but you were just thotting: If he didn’t necessarily care one way or the other, but you were only giving off one-nighter/thotty vibes, he will act accordingly.
- If when he met you, he already considered seriously dating you: These are the guys that genuinely like you, they dig you, they already knew they wouldn’t mind getting to know you, so giving up the buns early is not necessarily a deterrent if they already have respect for you.
So, you got a 1 out of 3 chance that after you give up the buns all willy-nilly that he’ll take you seriously afterwards. Fellas, please comment below if y’all have more scenarios that I’m not aware of, this is just what I’ve heard so far. Ladies, may the odds forever be in your favor.
Now the second part of the debate, “try it before you buy it”. BOY. IF. YOU. DON’T!
Men say they want to try out the product to see if they want to commit to it. If they’re only gonna be able to “get rides” from this vehicle, they want to make sure it’s up to their standards. I understand.
Hooooooowwwweeeevveerrrrrr, here’s my problem with that:
- It’s selfish af: You run up the “miles” on one car, to then decide you actually want to ride off in another? Tires slashed.
- Why the hell would you buy the cow, if you can get the milk for free? –If I’m giving it up already, and you’re comfortable, why would you want to commit to me if you don’t have to? It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are out there slanging D, but not committing keeps your options open while you’re getting faithful buns.
- It reduces the value of a woman to what’s between her thighs: never mind that home girl could be the one to hold you down and add real value to your life. So you mean to tell me, in order for you to commit, you gotta… never mind what do I know, I’m just an educated black woman…
- Half the men who have the try it before you buy it mindset, ain’t got it going on in that department anyway: Kneegrow how dare you ESPECIALLY when women deal with you pencil d*cked fellas and don’t say nothing to protect ya feelings. A woman can always step up her box (kegels, toys, lube –whatever you feel is “lacking”). Y’all got what y’all got and that ain’t changing, so you might want to humble ya-selves B.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind showing you that I can back up all the shit I talk. But sir, you will not be pressing the gas driving cross country to leave me parked, tank on ‘E’ because a newer/different model caught ya eye. And guys wonder why we consider 90 day rules, we just trying to protect our value fam.
Beep, beep b*tches,