Pre-Independence Day: Fuck Adulthood.

Man fuck adulthood.

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I wish someone had told me as a child that this shit is a trap. I’m 27, man-less, child-less, at a job I just did a career change to this year after being unemployed for half the year before. Though I managed to successfully swerve student loans, credit card debt and a car accident later got me looking at bills with a thug tear because I barely have 2 nickels to rub together after starting back at the bottom of the totem pole and trying to catch up from unemployment.

I have seriously considered stripping.

I repeat, I have seriously considered stripping and still not quite sure if I’m above it. I went from talking about being a doctor since I was 7, to considering being a stripper at 27.

27. I have to keep saying that I’m 27 because I have been telling myself I’m 25 for the last 2 years now and I’ve started to believe my own lies. Dirty 30 is knocking at the door and this is not the woman I thought would answer.

I used to care a lot about eating healthy but now-a-days Wendy’s 4 for $4 has been the only thing keeping the kid from taking somebody else’s lunch out the fridge at work. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work. *Rihanna voice* It feels like all I do is work to pay bills. I look at my paycheck every 2 weeks and contemplate playing in traffic when I see that Taxes roll up. Faithfully every 2 weeks, they show up like “run that paycheck lil homie”. And against my will I watch hours of my work get taken away in Uncle Sam’s purse.

The other day I went back home to where I’m from, and realized that I don’t like going back home to where I’m from because I feel like I have to explain why I haven’t accomplished small town major goals. Like a husband and/or child. I’m 85% sure that my grandmother and mother think that I’m gay. Nothing wrong with being gay, it’s just, well I’m not. But the fact that the only reason they can fathom why I don’t have a man and/or child MUST be because I don’t want one. They are wrong and couldn’t be more wronger.

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I don’t have a man because <insert your reason here because I can’t figure this shit out for the life of me>.

I don’t have a kid because, well, I wanted to do this adult thing the right way. I never wanted my children to be little bastards born outside of a loving, committed relationship that was recognized in God’s eyes. B, if I hit 30 and still have no serious love interest, I’m throwing caution to the wind and just settling for someone who has nice genes to pro-create with because clearly getting a man ain’t working out too well for me. A kid will have no choice but to love me back unconditionally.

School shoulda taught me more practical things. I can not think of ONE time I’ve ever had to bust out the pythagorean theorem, like HA bih! That’s wtf ‘C’ is! Not never has discussion of Darwinism on a first date been the thought provoking type of conversation men like to have. Why didn’t my teachers explain insurance, deductibles and premiums, credit, mortgages. <–This here what matters. Got me feeling like the smartest idiot piloting life.

Whenever I do find a willing participant to marry me, that conversation bout finances and credit gone get kinda ugly. (*sidenote, if you didn’t know you needed to have the conversation before getting married, you’re still behind life’s learning curve*) Gonna have to pull out all the tricks for bae after I tell him that even JC Penny took their store credit card back from me.

This has been my experience with adulthood. It is not like what I watched on Sex in the City or Living Single and I have been living single and (mostly) sexless in the city.

But I didn’t write this to merely vent, I want to talk about my own independence. Part 2 coming on Tuesday!

Stay tuned,

-A.

Comments 2

  • Haha! I shed tears when I see my check as well (they tax the hell outta you when you have no rugrats). I’m in my early 20s, and I’m like this adult thing is kinda whack.

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