In case you missed part 1, click the link here to get the first half off the story and then continue below:
So here’s the problem: homeboy told me upfront, like way in the beginning he wasn’t looking/ready for a relationship. Which was cool, because in the beginning, I wasn’t even entertaining him in that way so I really hadn’t thought about it. However, I knew from the start what he was or wasn’t willing to offer and yet my ass still needed to touch the stove again to see if it was hot. It was.
Countless conversations, a few informal “dates” and four <sexless> months later I find myself questioning just what the hell we have going on. I won’t let him “do me” cuz I like him, he wants to do me cuz he likes me. <–Fellas, lots of ladies think this way, don’t ask why; blame Steve Harvey. [I’ll have to get into the whole “To wait or not to wait” for sex convo later] Moreover, I noticed that he also acted a bit territorial.
Once day I jokingly said that he should set me up with someone since he and I were “just friends” and he basically told me that pigs would fly before he ever did that. I’m extremely guilty of equating a man being territorial and not wanting anyone to have me as a symbol of his love and commitment to me. Ashley, meet male ego. Male ego, I believe you know Ashley.
PEE. ESS. MUTHAF*CKING AYE: JEALOUSY AND/OR BEING TERRITORIAL DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE AND/OR COMMITMENT. It could just be a machismo way of him claiming something so that no one else can have it. I JUST figured this out that this guy I used to deal with was pissing on the hydrant (because that’s what dogs do to mark their territory) so that no other man in our social circle would try to pursue; meanwhile he was tryna slang D to any Becky with good hair who flirted in his direction. Selfish bastard.
But I digress.
Anyways, so now I’m curious to know how homeboy would categorize what we “have”:
Me: So like umm, are we just friends?
Him: *puzzled face* What do you mean?
*Train ricochets off track*
Fellas: By the time a girl gets to the point where she asks you, “what are we?”, she already has an answer drafted in her mind and if what comes out your mouth doesn’t match –> please be prepared for a shit storm of hell fire to rain down on you.
Ladies (in our minds): Why did I think we were any more than friends? Why did I want to be any more than friends? Wtf does he mean what do I mean? Oh, so I mean nothing. Pfft, guess I’m not special. I should’ve known better, all men are the same. He ain’t shit.
Ladies (out-loud): *Like, what are we? Are we just friends? Together? Working towards a relationship? Which one?* <–ladies, you’re reaching if his first response was a question and not a statement… Any time a man answers your question with a question, he’s about to lie or make some shit up and just needs to buy himself some time.
Do not give men multiple choice answers for anything other than standard/ basic questions.
For example: Which color should I wear? Which restaurant do you like the best? If you give him a fill in the blank and provide a word bank, he’s going to use process of elimination and choose whatever answer he thinks will help him pass this test unless he is a savage that don’t even remotely care about your feelings. Don’t let this knee-grow just choose “C” so he can shut you up.
But back to my story. Don’t you know homeboy created his own “title”? I’m pretty sure he sensed “just friends” wasn’t cutting it, friends with benefits wasn’t fitting, but he knew he needed to call it something.
Fra-lationship (pronounced fruh-lay-tion-ship) : More than friends, less than lovers. An upper level relational friendship where one or more parties desire the other intimately but have not crossed that threshold for fear of entering into a situationship. You still have the benefit of companionship, without the complications of sex or the commitment of a relationship.
Logic would tell you that he’s not pursuing anything serious currently (or maybe ever) and to just let sleeping dogs lie. But that would make too much sense… *prepares to throw dog a bone*