Happy New Year: I’m Tripping… Literally

Good Afternoon!

And uhh, Happy New Year!!! Can’t believe I didn’t post the whole month of December even though I had ish to post. Welp, I promise to do better in 2014. Prayerfully I’ll post something every week. This is my attempt to take my writing more seriously. I think it’s the only real talent I have so I should really work on perfecting it. I’m tryna live with purpose this year. I’m also trying to get wifed, not have to work a full-time and work on publishing but that’s neither here nor there. ^_^

Let me tell you how I brought in my new year. I brought my new year in with a perfect stranger, a chick actually. In my drunken stupor I lost my friends prematurely before the ball dropped and identified said chick as one of the people I’d went to the party with. I stole a Happy New Years Hat from a short bald guy and proceeded to count down with the girl. During the last few seconds her cousin surfaced with one of my friends. I remember saying a short prayer before 2013 ended, as I always do each new year. In the event the world ends, I’d like to be praying… even if it’s a drunk prayer. As most heathen Christians say, “The Lord knows my heart.” or. “Only God can judge me.” Insert whichever you like.

Here’s the embarrassing part; shortly after the new year started, I was jigging in my stripper heels; only meant to be worn for special occasions. When suddenly, I lost my footing and fell on my ass. That’s not the embarrassing part because I can take a fall or two. The embarrassing part was when my new years chick and her friend tried to help me up. News years chick was a skinny minny and homegirl was short and stout, but between the two of them they could not get me up. I just kept sliding across the floor until they gave up, walked away and left my ass on the ground. Now I’m not a whale, definitely not a size 2, but you couldn’t tell me that night that my name wasn’t freaking Shamu.

I coulda just died right there. I promise you. I looked around halfway expecting someone to once again attempt to help me up but everyone just managed to drunk two step around me. I sat there for a few seconds thinking “this can’t be my life” and then finally felt as if I was drawing too much attention and stood up. I took those stripper shoes off, fake twerked for a couple of songs –just long enough for me to feel like people had forgot about me sitting in the middle of the dance floor; then I hobbled to a corner and sat my ass down for the rest of the night.

Next year I might just wanna take my heathen self to church. At least if I fall out there it will be socially acceptable. The Holy Ghost will have appeared to move and those nice old ladies will even cover me with a blanket instead of jigging around me.

Happy New Years Ashley (-_-)

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