If you thought this was gonna be some flowery post about how to find your one true love, you are clearly new to my blog. This a guide on how to spot the not.
So just about every girl has that “one guy”. The one who has broken her heart countless times, the one she knows is no good, the one she knows it will never work with, but also still the same one that she’ll allow to keep coming back around.
Ladies, I can not stress enough how important it is to recognize who this “one” is for you. If you’ve ever seen Sex and the City, the “one” is the equivalent to Carrie’s “Mr. Big”. I’ll be perfectly honest, I have managed to transfer the title of “Mr. Big” from one asshole to another so I’ve never really let go or dealt with my unresolved issues with Mr. Big. Be better than me fam, find him and let. him. go.
Here I’ll help you figure out who this “one” is, let’s call him Mr. Grey because Mr. Big is taken and calling him the “one” is an unworthy title. Mr. Grey is a master manipulator of your emotions, even if he doesn’t mean any harm, he still has entirely too much power over your life if he can make your emotions go from 0-100, real quick.
I remember one time I thought I was over my Mr. Grey and 2 shots of crown and a bottle of Merlot later I was crying to his best friend in the middle of a damn party about him. I woke up the next day sooooooo effin disappointed that I let him win again and 1. he probably had no clue and 2. he wasn’t worth them damn tears.
It’s ok to still be in the process of purging Mr. Grey from your life, but whatever you do, do NOT, I repeat do NOT, involve someone else while you’re doing it. That’s a story for another post but anyway…
How to spot Mr. Grey:
- He’s broken your heart, probably more times than you can count and he may or may not even recognize it. Chances are he knows he dropped the ball at some point, but may be unaware that all the times you let him reintroduce himself into your life, each time he left or f*cked up, he broke your heart again.
- He knows you, well. Maybe even better than you know yourself. He knows your thought process, how you’d respond to certain situations. His knowledge of your likes and dislikes, interests, etc. is surprisingly refreshing. –He’ll use this to get back on good terms with you. Bringing you your favorite alcohol, offering to take you to your favorite restaurant, sparking a conversation about something you’re passionate about. Zon’t. zoo. it.
- He makes you remember the good times. –Please, please do not get trapped in this time capsule of good memories and forget the f*ckery he’s doing or has done. The brain tends to naturally suppress the bad memories as a coping mechanism when you have been through something traumatic or damaging. I’m not saying hold on to the hurt, but I am saying don’t forget you put your hand on a hot stove and got burnt, only to put your hand right back on the same hot stove. I guarantee you the shit will still burn you.
- You find yourself making excuses for him and become one of the biggest hypocrites. If you’re friend explained the exact same situation to you, you’d tell her to tell Mr. Grey to kick rocks.Yet when you see him flirt/f*ck other girls when he was just whispering sweet nothings to you, or he bad mouths you to a mutual friend, or he <insert fuck boy action here> and you still refuse to call a spade a spade…
- He’s inconsistent. Whether that means sometimes he’s around and sometimes he’s not, or sometimes he cares or sometimes he doesn’t, sometimes he does the most and sometimes he does nothing. Listen, you are allowed to have expectations and requirements of the people you allow the privilege of being in your life, one of them should be that they stay in or they stay out, they put in work or they get fired. Speaking of which I gotta leave and go to work, so I’ll wrap this up for now…
Whether you’re hooked on the peen or the attention Mr. Grey gives you (when he does give it to you), you’ve got to realize that there is more out there to be had. Believe it or not, what’s waiting for you out there is BETTER than that piece of shit you’re holding on to. The sooner you let that go, the sooner you make room for the one who won’t keep you in a gray space filled with hurt, confusion, pain, etc. etc.
Mr. Grey will keep you at his fingertips for as long as he can, I mean why wouldn’t he? You’re a great catch, you deeply care about him and if he knows how to get back in your good grace– you make a great back up plan. Something to do when there’s nothing/no one to do. Did that hurt? I sure the hell hope so because you ain’t nobody’s damn plan b so STHAP allowing yourself to be treated like one.