Playing the Hand you’re Dealt: Present vs. Potential

So I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of character, but I have made the GRAVE mistake in thinking that a good judge of character is synonymous with a good judge of men choice. I have made piss poor choices in men every since I stopped thinking they were stupid and gross in grade school.

Well, I still think they’re stupid, but that’s a topic for another day.

Fellas, if I’ve ever seriously dated/been in a whatevership/relationship/situationship with you –you are absolutely right in feeling offended by my previous statement of you being a bad choice. If that offends you, please feel free to suck my left nut exit out this post stage left.

Granted, I wouldn’t take any of it back because I had to learn, but if I have labeled you as a f*ck boy, you are and always will be a f*ck boy. I’m not bashing all males because I know there are some good ones out there, I just have two middle fingers up to whomever this applies to. *Insert Beyonce GIF*

I haven’t written any extremely bold posts in awhile and I think it’s time to go back to my roots *ahem* Drake lyric #302: “I was a cold dude, I’m getting back to my ways.” -Brief rant brought to you in part by F*ck Boys of the World, LLC. Now to the purpose of today’s post.

Not too long ago I had a chance to finally spend some “quality time” with this guy I’ve had a crush on for like a year now… Which #1. I don’t crush often so that was kinda weird to admit and #2. I had the nerve to let this guy occupy a seat in the back of my mind for a whole year. I do understand that once he reads this post he may no longer be a possi-bae but if I take my own advice that I’m about to give y’all he might not really be a possi-bae to begin with.

Anyways, I’m kicking it with him or whatever and I don’t know if it was the traces of alcohol left in my system or if I was just on some giddy ass truth serum but I start laying ALLLLLL my cards on the table. I’m talmbout just putting all my lil business out there. Meanwhile he flashes a card or two every once in awhile but at no point in time do I ever see his whole hand.


“Class, can anyone tell me what I did wrong here?” Two things:

  1. I have clearly still not learned my lesson about baring myself prematurely. It’s ok to mirror what a person shows/gives you. Not okay to overwhelm them with an entire game plan. His exact word to describe me was “strategic”. *Jumps off ledge* Don’t go around flashing ya hand all willy nilly.
  2. Secondly but almost more importantly, he never asked to even sit down at my playing table. I literally pulled up a seat and pushed him into it. Now, it’s a very nice seat at a dope table but he never planned to sit down to begin with and there won’t be any love lost on his end if he never comes back to the table with his cards.

Just because you haven’t had any serious prospects (*whispers* in awhile) to entertain in your single hood, does not mean that when you see one that might, keyword might, be worth something, that you give him/her more credit than what’s due. Seeing potential and potential only is a dangerous thing. It’s like a horse with blinders on, you can see what’s right in front of you, but have no clue what the whole picture actually is.

I say this with a heavy heart, but any man I’ve ever really been excited about dating/being with, has been because I had tunnel vision on his potential and have dismissed the reality. –Please don’t confuse this with gold digging cuz most of the men I’ve ever “us’ed” with were broke as a joke.

What I mean is that once I could visualize myself being with that person, that was all I needed. I didn’t give myself time really know the person and by the time I got to “know” the person for who they really were, I would make excuses for them or hold on to that vision of potential. 

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

And believe it or not, I keep freaking doing it! Be better than me fam, allow yourself the time to discern potential from the present because you may find that you don’t even want that person to sit at ya table. Or, once they show you their cards, you may find that they are not a worthy adversary.

In the meantime, occupy yourself with a nice game of solitaire until someone approaches you the right way and asks to play a nice game of go-fish. Or whatever you’re into.

Now, excuse me while I go flip this one last table.


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