Alright, so it’s that time again:
- I can’t sleep
- I need to vent
- Mother Nature is kicking my emotional and physical ass
So, I feel like it’s safe to say that most women have experienced a whatever-ship in their lives. A whatever-ship is somewhere between a real relationship and a mixed signals/emotions/friends-with-benefits setup. I like to call this space, “the grey area”.
Men- LOVE this space. It’s a safe pseudo-relationship that grants them access to relationship privileges without the responsibility of an actual relationship. He can probably get most of his physical, emotional and mental needs met from a good woman in this space without actually committing to her and/or having to really work towards anything.
Women- The grey area is our ARCH ENEMY. It’s like pre-relationship purgatory. Once you get stuck in the space you never know when or IF you’ll ever get out. Because at this point, possibae is probably somewhat content with whatever you have offered or are offering (even if it’s just emotional support–but let’s be real, you know if it’s been long enough and you like dude enough, he’s probably getting the buns too) and doesn’t feel a need to rush/push into anything else.
Ladies, if you find yourself in this danger zone, run. Run far and run fast.
And of course I’m giving you advice that I haven’t taken myself or else I wouldn’t be writing this post. *emoji side eye*
Perhaps the biggest danger in the grey area is possibility. The possibility of you two actually getting into a relationship, the possibility of him realizing what he has right in front of him and never wanting to lose it, the possibility one day not just being “me and you” but “us and we”.
Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you’ve already entered the grey area chances are the probability of y’all actually being more than a whatever-ship have already dramatically decreased right after you accepted the fact you are in a whatever-ship. <–This is not to be confused with dating that happens right before you become an exclusive couple.
This is for those people that are “dealing” with each, but not boyfriend/girlfriend. Beyond the first few dates, after sharing intimacy (which is NOT limited to just sex) and after feelings have developed but prior to formal titles or claims to each other ALL after the “so what are we?” conversation has happened <—If dis yew, yew are in a whatever-ship hun.
So now that we’re clear on what a whatever-ship is and where that grey area lies, let’s talk about how to get out of that area.
I DON’T HAVE THE ANSWERS, SWAY. *Insert Kanye face*
No but seriously, if I really knew the evacuation plan for pre-relationship purgatory I would’ve wrote a book about it, sold it, appeared on Oprah and been writing this post from my Rev Run style bath tub surrounded by bubbles and a glass of red wine –not angrily typing in a dark room, holding a body pillow at three o’clock in the morning.
We’ll call the person you’re in a whatever-ship with Ms./Mr. Grey. I know that some things are circumstantial, so maybe your grey area hasn’t or won’t be grey that long… but I think ultimately at some point you have to stop choosing your Ms./Mr. Grey over yourself. Because at the end of the day it’s you (you whatever-ship/grey area aware person you) that gets hurt by it.
In the grey area, you continuously give (time, emotion, resources, blah blah blah) without being able to have the expectation of ever getting it back. Maybe sometimes Mr. Grey does give back, but how much will you pour out before you run dry? <–Once you reach this point, this is where we (wimmenz) become bitter and say all men ain’t shit because we’ve dealt with someone long enough that we’ve poured out some of the best parts of us and are still waiting for someone else to refill it.
So you have 2 choices:
- Take only what you can carry, and YOU leave the grey area (alone). Pack light cuz baggage is a bitch. OR
- Stick it out and see if things finally become more black and white. Just be prepared for both endings and however long it may take to figure it out.
I’ve done the whole wait it out bitter thing and it just doesn’t suit me well so I’m packing my bags and leaving Mr. Grey.
*Sips my juice in the shade* <—-sew many puns 🙂