Ain’t No Pedestal Bihhh

I’ve got a real bad habit of putting men on a pedestal. Of highlighting all their good qualities and thinking that these traits really set them apart from any other human with a penis. When my friends would find wrong in these individuals I’d fight them tooth and nail to defend this man, screaming “you don’t know him like I know him!”. I’d stare at him with emoji heart eyes, take long deep breathes of his aroma and swoon over the fact that “he was’t like the rest of them”. Ladies. If this man isn’t God, your father, or your husband…please round house kick this negro off that damn pedestal.

I’m not saying you can’t give a man credit for having his shit together, but I am saying that idolizing him and comparing him to any other loser you’ve dated is a mistake. It gives you a heightened false sense of value for that person before you ever really let him show you who he is and what he has to offer you.

Emphasis on the you, because what one man does or does not do for one woman DOES NOT guarantee that he will or will not for you. If you’ve lived long enough you’ve seen a man dog out one woman and then treat the next like gold or vice-a verse-a.

When you put a person on a pedestal, be it man or woman, you give them a shitload of power that they may or may not deserve. Did you really take the time to get to know that person before setting them apart or were you influenced by the fact that said individual has a nice job, a car, a home, good benefits, great looks, educated, no baby mamas/daddies, etc.

I can’t lie. The older I get, the more I start looking at what a person can add to my life which is good and bad at the same time. It’s good because one should aspire to find a companion that compliments their life, but it’s bad because more times than not I put people with the “right criteria” on that damn pedestal as America’s Next Top Possibae (n. meaning possible bae/boo/boyfriend), when maybe they are just meant to be friends or associates.

Everybody that you meet, like, and have some sort of attraction to is not meant to be in your life eternally. Some people are drifters that impact your life in a way you never saw coming but you have to know when it’s time to let them drift back out of your life. The issues come when you let people who are only meant to pass through, stay instead. Your love life should not be a revolving door where you let the same person come and go as much as they please.

Cycles in relationships are dangerous. A routine is different, a routine is a plan you and your partner have put into practice to establish a relationship norm. A cycle is a vicious cyclone where destructive situations are warped into repetition with no end in sight.

If a person wants to leave, let. them. leave. I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY. At least 3 times over and now I think I’ve finally accepted it. It’s a hard thing to do because

  1. You’ve probably already put this person on a pedestal
  2. You’ve probably already given away the title of America’s Next Top Possibae/Bae
  3. You’re attached and want to not be the one who gives up because you want to make it work

I say let them leave because there is nothing more disheartening than being the only one fighting for the relationship OR having that person resent you because you tried so hard to make them stay that they felt obligated BUT their heart isn’t in it.

The point I’m trying to make is that everyone of us keeps a pedestal handy. Don’t just let any Tom, Dick and Harry with a good Bae-terview (n. Interview to be your bae/boo/boyfriend) & Bae-sume (n. A resume for bae applicants) step up on that pedestal.

Give yourself time to discern long-term potential or just drifting through.

Protect Your Pedestals Kings & Queens,

-A.

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