Relationship or Nah?

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” If a guy hits you with this line, run. Run far and run fast. If you stay, you are asking to get your feelings hurt, trust me.

When a guy tells you this, he’s telling the truth. So just stop with all of the scenarios you’ve made up in your mind about how he may change his mind or maybe he doesn’t really mean it –he does. This line can mean a lot of things but the common denominator is that you, you wonderful woman you, will end up with a whole lot of questions and not many answers.

Let me clarify, not all guys have ill intentions when they let you know this. He may genuinely be trying to get things together and the timing is just not right. Nothing is more appealing than a man who has his priorities in order, than a guy who has ambition, than… the thing we want but can’t have. Rule of thumb, if he just got out of a relationship (especially a serious one) it doesn’t matter how outstanding you are, he’s not trying to make you America’s Next Top Bae when his bed is still warm from the last body from about a week ago. *schmoney dance*

Now, the confusion comes into play when he drops this line but then proceeds to pursue you. As women, we think, well he said he’s not looking for a relationship but he’s still trying to get close to me, he must really want a relationship — this could be consistent communication, hanging out, maybe even real outings. But know this, men are hunters. Hunters don’t always hunt to eat, sometimes they hunt just to have a new showpiece; it’s an accomplishment nothing more. Do NOT become a trophy hung up on his wall left to blankly stare at him living his life unapologetically while you’re stuck in the same place waiting for him to notice you again.

Another thing to be cognizant of is that sex is a game changer, whether you realize it or not. You may start off just hanging out with a guy for that companionship, comfortable with the fact that he’s not looking for a relationship, but after a few parlays between the sheets those lines become blurred. God forbid you actually like him, naturally you’ll acquire an affinity towards him. Please be advised that his intention has probably not changed just because you have saved his number in your phone as Bae. Sex does not equal commitment; lust ain’t love. Do not create a false relationship in your mind and be upset when he doesn’t play the boyfriend role; you will be alone on the set of “Confessions of Delusional Lover.”

To add insult to injury, sometimes a guy will not be ready for a relationship with you, and then wife the next girl he’s with after you. When this happens it feels like you’ve been publicly back-handed after just having tripped and fallen. It’s embarrassing, it’s hurtful and infuriating. Don’t take it personal- you can’t lose what you never really had. The reason women tend to take it personal is because she’s invested too much in the guy. Investments can be monetary, emotional and physical –don’t give his non-committing ass those benefits. This way you won’t have to watch your investment take ussies with new Bae. There are no guarantees in casual relationships, hell there aren’t even really guarantees in serious relationships, so be prepared to take an L when it comes to these types of guys.

In the event you choose to deal with a guy that has voiced that he’s not looking for a relationship despite all the possible turrible outcomes, my only advice is: recognize the risk. Once you recognize what it is, be prepared to own it; the good, the bad and the ugly.

-A.

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