Asking All Dem Questions (What a Rachet Title)

As a single woman in the dating scene there are 2 questions that I absolutely abhor hearing/answering.

1. So why are you single?
2. What do you look for in a man?

As if the fact that I am single isn’t painfully obvious to me already, I now have to acknowledge it with this stranger I may or may not ever speak to again. Fantastic. And even answering the question is like walking on a bed of nails. I have to be careful how I say what I say so that I don’t get labeled as another bitter black woman, but I also can’t sound too nostalgic of past relationships because then homeboy will question my loyalty to the present or the past.

“So why are you single?” –Because n*ggas ain’t shit. <– Bitter black woman.
"So why are you single?" –I mean, in my last relationship (insert long drawn out explanation) <–These hoes ain't loyal, she still want her old man back.

Either way this question makes me cringe.

Then there's the "so what do you look for in a man?" My truly honest answer should be, "Hell I don't know, I haven't found it yet because if I did I wouldn't be having this conversation with your ass." But that's rude, so I usually try to swerve this question. I am not about to give a man a blueprint to my heart. I'll let you in, but you gone have to put in some effort to figure me out buddy.

Let's not even discuss that some of the guys that ask this question (and please note that I said SOME) are only looking for easy ways to win you over and will begin to cater to the things you said –even if that's not the real him. When meeting a person's representative (part of a person that you get to know for about the first 3 months) they are only trying to land the job. This is not a guarantee that they won't get in office and then just put their feet up on the desk for the rest of the term.

There's a third question I hate, "How old are you?" This is part because I feel like it's a dumb question; if we made it into the same venue, I have an alcoholic drink in my hand and I told you I have a college degree and career –I'm old enough. I feel like once you make it past a certain point, age really doesn't matter. And if you're concerned with facing jail time, where the hell are you looking for women? At prom?

The other reason why I hate the age question is because I've already slipped into denial about my own age. I'm bout to be 25 til I'm 30 -all those other years in between aren't significant/milestones. So if you see me after the month of October and I'm still saying I'm 25, just go with it.

I wish that in the dating world we had something like a barcode, or could bump phones or something and that would display certain key facts about a person so that you don't have to keep answering the same damn questions for different people. It's tiring yo and so tedious before you get to the point where you are exclusive.

"Hi I'm blah-blah, what's your name? Oh, what do you do? Where are you from? How old are you? What do you like to do? And blahhhh, blah blah, blah blah."

I'm really over this Merry-Go-Round ride. Another dating pet-peeve -guys who are only text offenders. <–That sounded really dirty, but what I mean is guys who only text and never call. That is the quickest way to get your ass friend zoned or lose my interest. Once we meet, you got about a week to pick up the phone and call, if you don't, welp.

For now I'm gonna look into getting a patent for the "Single's Scan" -a dating app that gives you a person's profile in seconds without you having to pretend to like the "get to know you" conversation.

You're Welcome,

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