He Stinks, Literally.

You know those situations where you’re in the presence of folk you kinda-sorta know but it’s really somewhat circumstantial as to why y’all are in the same space? Those times where that person might have something stuck between their teeth or something in their hair. You analyze the situation to see if you care enough to mention it and even then if you decide to tell them now you have to figure out how to do it tactfully and with discretion. <–At least I hope so.

Well my situation is kinda like that but not really. There’s this guy I’ve been dating and he seems like a cool dude, I really liked him up until the point where we started to get closer and I realized one huge turn off about him. —He has an odor, a bad one.

And what makes me upset about the odor is that I have not been able to identify it’s source. Generally you can point out real quick when someone has musty arms or funky breath –those are easy fixes. But I cannot find where his stench is coming from and it is killing me. At first I thought it might be his feet, another semi-easy fix right? I woulda got brother man some baby powder and arm-n-hammer to nuke the stench. So one day -and don’t judge me for what I’m about to say- when he wasn’t paying attention I smelled his shoes. I just wanted to be sure! I was going to confront him on the odor and I wanted to be able to isolate his problem area.

So I sniffed his shoe (let me say that I make everyone take their shoes off before walking on my carpet so it wasn’t like I did some covert mission impossible ninja-like moves to smell his shoes while they were still on his feet). I was so disappointed. The odor was NOT coming from his feet, granted his shoes did smell like corn chips so some baby powder wouldn’t hurt him, but that wasn’t the bone I wanted to pick with him.

I remember one day in particular I just felt so disrespected by the stench, I told him his feet stank. In my mind, even if it wasn’t his feet that stank, I was hoping that it would bring some level of awareness to his funk. My attempts were futile. All he said was “No they don’t!” I instantly got pissed. The only thing worse than a funky individual is a funky individual who doesn’t think their funky!

So now I’m at a point where I feel I must seriously address the odor. I mean, whenever I smell it I automatically check myself like 10 times for two reasons: 1. I check and double check that my ass isn’t indeed the one that’s funky and 2. I need to make sure that this shit isn’t rubbing off on me. <–Got me going places smelling like soured bologna because you don’t know how to scrub all the nooks and crannies, no sir!

Like I said he’s a nice guy, but I also feel like he’s a bit sensitive. I haven’t quite figured out how to get him to understand that he is carrying around a cloud of odor. That small children would pass out if left in a closed in room with him. That little Pomeranian pups would keel over and shed their hair if ever trapped near this guy.

I know what you’re thinking, if he smelled so bad why would you even keep talking to him past the first date? Here’s the thing, when he’s fully clothed he doesn’t smell, so I had no idea about this little problem until one day he decided to get comfortable in a t-shirt and some balling shorts.

I will admit, at first I was in denial. I thought maybe his clothes had just soured in the dryer because they didn’t dry all the way. I regret to inform you, that this is NOT the case. So if there’s anyone out there experienced in having hygiene talks with grown ass people, please let me know how to navigate this delicate situation.

Please and thank you.

-A.

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