Falling in Love with the Representative

My feelings for you were like honey dripping from a wooden spoon into a bowl of sweet unbaked desserts. Slow and sensual, raw and warm. I’d look into your eyes and my heart would ignite and send tingles all over my body. Everything felt like a fairy tale. Magically unbelievably believable. Every day thoughts of us danced around my mind like sugar plum fairies, quick and nimble, moving gracefully and delicately. There were no clouds in our skies and not so much as a gust of wind to make us feel too cold towards each other. Only heat rising between us, keeping our bodies gently glistening with sweat scented of passion and admiration. I loved you with all my heart.

And then it all broke.

The projected walls of peace that protected our love kingdom crumbled away like thirsty leaves on a winter evening. Your words cut at me like a whip lashed across a bare back. The pain more lethal to my heart than my flesh. And every time the wounds would heal, a new lash would soon appear. Until I became numb to the pain.

Doesn’t it always start out like a bed of roses? You get into a relationship and that person can do no wrong. It’s all lovey-dovey, kiss-kiss, you hang up – no you hang up, bae, baby, luh you –when you first get together. Then at some point it all falls down.

You come down off that relationship high and start to see that person for who they really are. The problem is, by the time you really see that person, it’s too late. You’re already hooked. An addict. You will forever hold on to that high you got when you first got into the relationship. This, folks, is how people stay in relationships for long periods of times hoping it will “go back to the way it used to be” or “get better”. Sometimes that’s just not your reality. It can’t “go back to” what it never really was.

Here’s my theory, when you first meet/ start dating someone, you don’t really meet them you meet their representative. You meet the being that’s putting their best foot forward. It’s like going on a job interview. You’re not going to walk into an interview and tell your potential future boss that you like to take extra long lunch breaks and dip out early when no one’s looking. I don’t care how many ways they ask you to give weaknesses or things you can improve on. You will find a way to make yourself look as flawless as possible without being cocky. Same thing with relationships.

No man is going to actively try to date and be with you with an introduction that says “Hey, my name is Mike and I ain’t shit. I’ll probably hit on your best friend when I’m drunk and forget your birthday.” No ladies, wise up. This same guy is probably the one who asks you “So what do you look for in a man?” Waits for you to give him a checklist, does the check list until you fall head over heels, and then your friend shows you text messages from Mike 3 months later talmbout “No disrespect but I think you’re beautiful”. Or he’ll hit you with the “I’m not like other guys.” Please give every man an EXTREME side eye if he says either of these things. In fact, he may even tell you he ain’t shit. That’s reverse psychology. Believe him, he ain’t shit.

We have to be more careful of who we give emotional access too. Your emotional access should be Level 5 privileged information. Like Hunger Games for your emotions. Men (or whatever your fancy) must jump through rings of fire and lasso the moon for you because you are worth the risk and effort. You don’t have to be an ice queen, but you do need to learn not to fall for power-points and red box/netflix “dates”. Because once those emotional floodgates are open it’s hard as the dickens to get them back closed.

But I digress.

So anyway, I don’t believe you really meet a person until after it’s been at least 3 months. Go through a season with them and see if they’re still the same. I’m not saying you have to be super skeptical, but I am saying that you should really take the time to allow that person to show you their true colors. You just might not like them as much as you thought you did once you really get to know them.

Or better yet, they might not like yoouuuuu as much as they thought they did.

That’s right, don’t act like you don’t show up with your representative too Ms. I-cook-clean-and-fuck-on-the-regular. Knowing good and well you have catfished this man. (catfish: v. meaning to create a false identity in order to pursue someone/something that he/she could not acquire under true identity.) He gotta keep taking out your trash because it’s filled with fast food bags, won’t take a bath at your house cuz the shower dirty and beats his meat every other week. C’mon ladies, don’t advertise yourself as as a 10 when you’re really barely a 5 on the girlfriend scale.

I’ve seen far too many people fall in love with the representative, myself included. You find yourself in a dead end relationship, unhappy, just waiting for “things to get better” or “things to go back to the way they used to be”. Hey you, this is what the deal really is. This is who this person is. Don’t try to change him/her. Either accept them as they are or move the hell on.

Me? No, I’m no longer falling for the representative. I’ve got an extensive interview process that pans out over a course of time. Gotta protect the “star playa”. Good luck fam.

-A.

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