Ashley’s Anecdotes: Accidentally the Mistress

There are just certain situations you think you’d never be in, this, was one of them.

If you’ve followed my blog for any extended amount of time you’ve probably read enough to know that I absolutely despise side chicks. Between the numerous posts devoted to these hoes girls and the constant digs I take every chance even when my post is not about side chicks.

Well I found myself in a bit of a conundrum once before. I imagine you’ll judge the hell out of me after reading this post. Welp, guess here goes my Scandal [pun absolutely intended]…

Two of my favorite shows to watch were: Scandal & Being Mary Jane. Why? Because I usually give the best commentary as I’m watching them, I come up with all types of clever things to say about women who let their heart lead and their vagina follow. So what did these two shows have in common? Well Scandal had a side piece who knowingly dated a married man, & Being Mary Jane had a side piece who didn’t know the man was married at first — however at the end of the day both chicks continued to date these very married men serving as a sexy side piece.

As we [black] women watch Scandal we have a strong internal battle about whether to hate Kerry Washington for her THOTish (THOT: phrase. Meaning “That Hoe Over There”) ways or to admire her tenacity, passion and ability to keep her shit together at all times. It’s really hard to hate America’s Next Top Black Woman, aka Kerry the GOAT. (GOAT: phrase. Meaning “Greatest Of All Time”). In Being Mary Jane, Gabrielle Union also plays the alpha woman; again harboring the ability to keep it all together under extreme pressures at all times. She’s smart, savvy and sexy {insert heart eyes emojji #nohomo].

With Gabrielle, in the beginning we empathized with her because “she didn’t know”. Hooooowwwwweever, once she found out, she did a terrible job of cutting him loose. Oh, because she didn’t. Now we’re ready to stone her because we got the background of the home she’s accidentally wrecked, the 2 kids, white picket fence, etc. etc. Plus, the man was married to another alpha woman. Plot twist bitch! She wasn’t some ain’t shit lazy lady, nope, she was another woman most of us would strive to be like.

So how does this relate to me… well one afternoon I’m at home getting ready to go to the grocery store and my phone rings. Restricted number. I don’t answer, why? Because the last time I answered it was a bill collector and you know how black folk do with bill collectors. *hits ignore* *answers in Spanish* *answers in Chinese accent* *answers phone and breathes heavily until they hang up* So I ignore the first call, and then I get multiple consecutive phone calls. I’m like, damn, these bill collectors done became thugs. They usually don’t call more than once back to back!

So one of the times my phone rings I answer it and put it on mute, I hear a woman’s voice saying hello. Still not a big deal to me, the last bill collector that called was a woman, I just assume it’s the same one. She hangs up. I get call from a name I recognize, thinking it’s a boo thang, I answer. Same woman’s voice: Hello, have you been in a relationship with my husband?

At this point I don’t say anything because I’m confused as hell. Husband? Me? I’m thinking she must have the wrong number.

Woman: Did you know [insert boo thang’s name] was married?

Well, of course I said no, hell I didn’t know. I’ve never desired to share a man, but I was in such shock that I laughed. In fact I laughed throughout most of the conversation, yes we had a full out conversation –much like the conversation Mary Jane had with the wife of her married “man”.

The story is going to take more than one post to flesh out the whole scenario so tune in tomorrow for more deets.

Stay single fam,

-A.

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