One of the few things I like about getting older, is learning more about yourself. You never realize just how young and dumb you were at one point until you start to get old and wise. I’m woman enough to confess that I was relationship(ally) dumb. Thank God I’m smarter now, but that thang was a real challenge.
I never thought that I needed a man per se, but I always used to keep one (oan I use the term “man” very loosely). I have went from one relationship to the next almost seamlessly for the last 6 years, a serial girlfriend if you will. Any time spent “alone” or “single” was generally spent hoping for or seeking a relationship, I had to sit back and really think about this. Like, I like myself, I like myself a lot actually. I do, like many women, have daddy issues. I’ve been wronged, like most women. In my eyes, I’m perfectly normal.
I enjoy spending time with myself too. It’s not like I don’t know how to be alone. Clearly, I write, workout, experiment in the kitchen, read books, go out with the girls, watch reality TV –you know things that normal 20 somethings do.
There’s nothing wrong with being in relationships, there’s nothing wrong with being alone… there is however a problem when you’ll be in a dead relationship performing CPR for years or when you’ll exit a relationship and immediately commence another. I’ve done both. I can honestly say that this is the first time that I’ve just been “good”. “Chilling”. “Coolin”. Keeping prospects at a healthy distance, and not pouring myself into someone empty. If my phone doesn’t ring or if I’m alone over the weekend, I’m alright. Can somebody PLEASE tell me why it took 25 years to master this?
Now, don’t get the wrong impression because if Prince Charming does happen to come along… I will ride my ass off into the sunset with him with Beyonce’ wind blowing in my hair into my happily ever after, but I’m not stewing over how to make someone my Prince Charming or find him either.
Please excuse my kum-ba-yah moment to keep it real with y’all as well. I miss it. We all know what it is, we’re grown here. (At least I hope so). I’ll use the ever so played out line “I have needs” that need to be met, but I’m managing. Moreover I miss the companionship that comes with a relationship. I miss the comfort of one. I miss the security, the silly disagreements and the giddiness that comes along with having a person who cares. I miss late night phone calls, drunk texts, and nasty, hot, steamy, mind blowing… heh heh, I’ll stop there. My mama might be reading this blog <insert emoji eyes>.
But as much as I miss this stuff, I’m okay with waiting. Waiting for the right one to give it to me. Gone are the days where I’ll accept whatever is given to me as I shower my beau with all of me. I’ve been drained. I’ve finally built myself back up and I be damned if I’m so quick to let it all go again.
Right now I’m dating, but it’s gone take some time before I give a title to anyone. Earn me! *in my Olivia Pope voice* And if at any given point these fellas dropped off the face of the earth, I’d still be coolin’. <insert emoji sunglasses> These are my thoughts for today, however Valentines Day is coming up next week… so uh… Yea. Next week I’ll be flooding your timelines with relationship posts and TRUST me, you won’t wanna miss this!