Being Alone, but Not Lonely

Relationships have all the power to totally consume your life. Ever break up with someone and just be totally lost? Not like, OMG where am I going, I’m directionally challenged? or Woe is me, what will I do without the love of my life? No. As in, like what the hell did I do before this person?

You adjust to speaking to him/her daily, sending text messages throughout the day, picking out the mushrooms in your food to give to them because you don’t like them and they love them. You know ish like that.

Not even gonna lie, I’ve been that type of lost before. Staring at the phone just waiting for it to ring or a text message to come through; feeling like damn, I ain’t got no friends and/or nobody loves me. *opens door to Marvin’s room* Or how bout those “good morning” texts you used to get? The mid-day phone sessions where you talk ish about everyone who’s pissed you off that day. Late night/ early morning pillow talk and cuddling. Weekend adventures…

Now you break up and all of a sudden you got a lot of unused-paid-for text messages, pent up frustration, cold empty space in bed and weekends spent on the couch alone. This is where getting a hobby and being around your friends comes in to play. Otherwise you’ll start to feel lame real quick. I frequently found myself wondering, what the hell did I do before I got a boyfriend? Like how did I occupy my time?

The length of your relationship can determine how long it takes you to snap back into civilian life. As I’ve mentioned before, I think a healthy ratio is for every year of relationship you take 3 months to heal. Since my last relationship I have eased back into the single life. It consists of writing, reading, cooking, working out, nights out with the girls on my worst behavior, wine and mini-marathons of Breaking Bad. You just gotta find what works best for you, you know, whatever keeps you off the ledge.

I’m good most days, cept for the whole companionship thing that I miss about relationships. The whole having somebody to call on thing, somebody to do stuff with, somebody to do stuff to 😉 etc. etc. But at the end of the day you gotta learn to choose you. It’s better to learn to be alone than put up with bs day in and day out; don’t sacrifice yourself because you just don’t wanna be alone.

Loneliness can do that to you. Loneliness can make you tolerate things normally unimaginable. For example some women in abusive relationships (physical, mental AND emotional), women with habitual cheaters *cough cough LHHNY cough cough* who knowingly share a man, women with men who only use them; I could go on but you get the point. Sure oftentimes low self-esteem is associated with these situations, but regardless of the reason, don’t let it be you.

I be damned if those first 3 months after my last relationship if I didn’t want to backslide into my previous situation. And I only thank God (and the fear of receiving incriminating charges if I was done wrong again) that I didn’t go back to it. Now, I’m good. Alone, but not lonely.

*Presses play to Breaking Bad*

Ashley La’Shae

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