Craigslist Catfished

So… with websites like Craigslist, who needs dating sites? Apparently you can get a man by trying to sell your furniture online (-_-). Let me tell y’all this story real quick.

Ok, so I’ve been posting my furniture on Craigslist for the last couple of months trying to get rid of it (if you’re interested in buying PLEASE let me know) and I’ve had a few bites here and there, but nothing for sure. Generally I’ll exchange contact information with the person if they are interested in purchasing… well that bit me in the ass yesterday.

I gave my number to this guy who wanted to buy my living room suit and it started out as a normal text message conversation negotiating how much the suit would go for. When his offer got too low I said, sorry I can’t. He then proceeds to tell me how his girlfriend left him and took all the furniture from his house and that he lives mad far so he HAS to get the furniture real cheap because he must now furnish the whole house AND drive hella far just to get the furniture.

I’m all “eff this sob story, wonder what the hell he did wrong to make homegirl wipe him out.” Now mind you, he had previously mentioned that he’d found another good deal for furniture and would go with that offer; that now made no sense because he was trying so hard to get me to come down on my price –there clearly was no other option.

Sensing that he wouldn’t let up on trying to haggle me down, I made up an imaginary roommate that would not let me sell the furniture any cheaper. My thought process here was that surely he’d give up since I could no longer be swayed. No. This fool then proceeds to say, I’ll bring my roomie up and he can take your roommate out on a date. *record scratches*

WTH? Now I’m confused. How did my post to sell furniture turn into a blind double date? I thought you last roommate was your girlfriend. Who ARE you? *Olivia Pope voice* Now clearly at this point I could have stopped texting him, but I was also like this could play out many different ways:

  • A. He could be the Craigslist killer (which I mentioned to him)
  • B. He could be ugly (which I mentioned to him)
  • C. We could turn out to be one hell of a success story for Craigslist (unlikely)

So I continued to feel him out just out of curiosity. He’s all “you sound like such a cool chick” so then I’m all like “I used to be a man”. Then he’s all like “Lmao.” It’s all fun and games until pictures get exchanged. Welp. That killed my fantasy. He wasn’t ugly, but he definitely wasn’t what I was looking for, even though my photo made him more intrigued.

He allegedly has a “thing” for black girls. Cool. *pretends to fall asleep texting* It’s now 1:30 in the afternoon the next day and he’s still texting me. Yes, I’m still entertaining him, butttt the odds of us ever meeting are slim to none. Is this what it’s like to do online dating? Why am I 25 acting like I’m going on 30, wide open for a man? Who needs Christianmingle, blackpeoplemeet, or any other dating services when all you gotta do is attempt  to sell your furniture?

This shit was hilarious to me, hope you enjoyed my dating escapades.

P.s. I’m serious about getting rid of this furniture.

Laterrrrrr,

Ashley La’Shae

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