Welp, today is my bert-day, it’s my bert-day *does hood dance* and I got up wanting to reflect on my quarter of century. Lord knows there were some times where I thought I wouldn’t make it here so He must have something great planned for me in the long run.
This morning I woke up to a plethora of phone calls, texts and Facebook notifications (and I use the term “woke up” very loosely it, it was more like slipped into consciousness briefly then returned to my slumber since I went out last night to bring in my birthday) and I felt real loved. Thanks y’all *sheds single Denzel tear*
that I’ve wiped the crust out my eyes that I’ve fully waken up I’m ready to think about what I did over the last 25 years. What I’ve done is a HUGE difference from where I thought I’d be. Y’all, by 25 I’d [originally] planned to be in med school, married with at least 1 kid; maybe 1.5 kids. I’m so far from that I could go play in traffic right now. I know life isn’t by any means linear but I did not expect this zig zag pattern I’ve been going through.
So I don’t have the ideal life I thought I’d be living by 25, I think that can resonate with a lot of you. We outchea “faking it til we make it”…”living on a prayer”…”hold on we just can’t give up now, come to far from where we started from”… “progress not perfection” and any other phrase you can think of that means, I ain’t shit, but I could be and I will be someday. And I thoroughly believe in goal setting and in being in a constant state of changing for the better… but when do you get enough gratification and satisfaction with how your situation is BEFORE you can say “started from the bottom, now I’m here”.
Like let’s look at my life. *cues Drake’s “All Me” in the background* I’m a single black female. 25. No kids. College educated. Good job (with benefits and time off and shit #aye). Independent (pay my own bills, got my own whip). In good health. Got all my teeth (because apparently men love that shit since there are more snag-a-tooth chicks in the world). That’s all a blessing. I’m grateful, but not satisfied.
And I wonder why I’m not… is it because I’m not where I thought I would be OR is it because I don’t know what I really want? Both make sense. On one hand I want the life I thought I should be leading and on the other how can you ever really be happy with something if you don’t quite know what your looking for? It’s like walking into the store to pick up “some things”; you went in with your list in mind, got sidetracked, picked up a lot of shit you hadn’t originally planned on getting, got home and realized you forgot something or that there was something else you could have gotten. That is my life…and how I habitually do in Walmart.
So now I’ve recognized the issue, time to remedy the situation. I’m going to come up with a list of 25 things that I want to do over this next year that will make me feel accomplished and fulfilled at the conclusion of my 25th year. A grocery list for life if you will. I suppose it’s like a bucket list for 25; I don’t have all the things on my list yet so I’ll post it a little later.
In the meantime, it’s a Drake kind of weekend in case you couldn’t tell from all my references. I’m really feeling like I turned 25 and “nothing was the same”… Lol. And let’s not talk about all the ex-boos that resurfaced just to say “Happy Birthday” *dies* That’s a convo for another post.
Comments are welcome. I’m off to turn up for the remainder of the weekend.
Turn down for whaaatttt,