Is there such thing as being too considerate? I think there has to be. There is a point where you start thinking too much of what others will think or feel and not enough about how you feel and what you think.
I think that’s part of my problem. I never make decisions just for me. Every since I can remember I’ve been making decisions based off of all things included and not just off what Ashley wants. Growing up I was the oldest of 3 (on my mother’s side) so I was always charged to be the responsible one and think of how my actions and decisions would affect the ones that I was influencing. I think this is when I first got into my box. The box that so many people are afraid to step out of.
My first chance to step out of the box was when I went to college. And then I did hop scotch in and out of the box for a brief period of time, until I got into my first serious relationship. Welp, back in the box Ashley went. I had to make conscious decisions, because of how people may perceive me. Even if you are just friends with people of the opposite sex, if you get seen walking out of their dorm after 12 am, nobody is going to take a second to think “maybe they’re just friends and nothing happened”. No no, they’re most likely going to assume the worst even if that isn’t the case.
Well 4 painful years later, I got out of that relationship, alas a chance to step outside the box again. I took a job after graduation that put me back into a box. It didn’t look like one at first, it looked like the complete opposite, a chance to really let my imagination run wild. But the small town, the mindset of the locals, geography –everything else said box.
Well now I’m at the end of that road, looking for new employment opportunity and even though the possibilities are endless, I’ve somehow found a way to keep myself in that box. I think I’ve gotten used to it, comfortable with it if you will. It’s now a lot easier to make decisions based off of those closest to me, rather than exploring what I, Ashley La’Shae, really want.
If you don’t know, I’ve been offered a position in Texas. Out of all the jobs (30+) I’ve applied to, I’ve ONLY gotten the one in Texas. It’s temporary, decent money, nothing special; but it’s Texas, San Antonio, Texas at that. My box is in North Carolina. It does not travel to Texas for a summer. It does not invest in $400 plane tickets, it does not put 1200 miles on my car for a road trip. My box is safe. I want to get out, but to be honest, I’m afraid of what’s outside of it. I think there’s that greatness that I’ve been searching for (*cues “I just wanna be great” catchphrase*) outside of my box.
Well I’m going to do it (hopefully). I’m going to take that job in Texas and watch God work everything else out. It is my understanding that He deals in making the impossible possible. He likes it when it can show up and show out. Well, errr, I’m counting on that. With this move, I’m LEAPING out of this box, please pray my strength and courage to follow through. And I’ll pray that your box is revealed to you and that you find the desire and courage to step out of it too. Let’s do this!